the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
