When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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