If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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