my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
