what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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