She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
