I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
