We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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