You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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