Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just high enough for therapy.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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