I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
