I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
