sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
