I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We had sex on a dog bed..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
