Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
This girl is more easily done than said...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
