I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
