____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
