break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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