I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
