haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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