its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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