do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
