I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize