Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
