Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
