The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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