I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize