Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
