What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
