I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
