why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
