No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
