help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
