I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
