my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
