READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
