I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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