Swine flu. Run for my life!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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