I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize