And the cops told us we were all naked.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
