So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
