I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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