i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
God gave him joint rollers for hands
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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