I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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