Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
