just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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