If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
