so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
