no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
