i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
