So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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