if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
