I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i permit you to call me
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
