Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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