Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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