Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
