it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize