doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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