All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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