I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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