I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
