My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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