my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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