so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
