i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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