Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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