How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
