i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
