Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
